Thursday, October 24, 2013

We're gonna look back at this and...

I'm going to be real for a moment. I just gotta say, this week has sucked. Really, there is no better way to sum up this week so far than saying it has sucked. Big time. For those of you who aren't in the know, our car was stolen while we were hiking in the Redwoods in Northern California. We were finishing up our hike and as we were coming out of the trail, we saw our car being stolen in broad daylight and before we realized what just happened, we were stranded. Yep, we are definitely not hiking in Alaska anymore. So lets face it. Watching your car be stolen right before your eyes and being stranded in the Redwoods with no reception, hours from home or civilization, and all your valuables gone just sucks. And I have got to admit, I have not had it all together. I have gone through every negative emotion I could think of in the last 2 and a half days. When our car was stolen I cried. For 9 hours straight as we waited for a glimmer of hope and also a ride home. I cried when we finally made it home and went to bed at 6 in the morning the next day. I cried when I woke up 3 hours later and then again that evening, just for prosperity's sake. Yeah, in all lots of crying, and then lots of anger, cursing, and mumbling in between. All the while still trying to be joyful (well after all the crying finally ceased) and hopeful and trusting that the Lord is working this all out for our good and His purpose. 

But in these moments where I've been a mess and I haven't had it all together and have gone through so many emotions until I have just felt blank and in a haze, I realize more and more just how much I need the Lord right now. Because even though I cried for 9 hours straight, in midst of the tears all I could do was just cry out to God. Even though I was so angry I could punch everything, I have tried my hardest to pray for those men who are so empty and so lost. Even though I have cursed and mumbled and complained and been bitter, I have prayed and prayed for forgiveness and for an increase in faith and joy and peace and love. And I know all of that is because of Jesus. Without Him i would just be a crying, cursing, bitter, horrible mess. But thankfully, In His love and grace He saved this big wad of mess and has made me His. His daughter. His beloved. His chosen. All the titles that come with so many promises and blessings.  

So because of all this sucky crap and in midst of all my mess all I can do is cling to Jesus and trust. We may never get our car back, but all I can do is cling to Him and trust. I may never see my computer again but all I can do is cling to Jesus and trust. We may not have a means of transportation for months, but all I can do is cling to Jesus and trust. And not trust that we will have everything back and life will be all butterflies and sunshine, but trust in all the promises He has given us as His children. Trust that His hand is over all of this. Trust that this is ultimately good and for our good. And really, that is what gives me joy. That is what gives me hope. And that is what gives me the hope to think Caleb and I will look back at this and say God is good. Despite the world around us being totally sucky, God is still good, has been good to us, and will be good. No matter what. We certainly won't look back at all this fondly and we certainly won't laugh about it. It won't be a favorite memory of our second year of marriage (the first day of our second year mind you), but already we have seen so much grace from the Lord in midst of the crap and I know that with each new day new mercies and blessings will come. So I am trying my hardest to stop looking back, stop replaying our car being stolen over and over in my mind, stop myself from crying and being angry or worried, or thinking of what we could have done to prevent it from happening, but instead I will be dwelling on the promises of God and looking forward to what He has in store. Though we may not see it all, it comforts me to know that God knows and is the one leading our lives. And it comforts me to remember God is good all the time. Yes, indeed He is. 

And just to show that the whole weekend wasn't a total flop (it was quite lovely despite the drive back), here are some photos from our anniversary. Unfortunately half of the photos from the weekend were in a memory card in my backpack and without a computer it's a bit difficult to upload the ones I do have from my camera (which wasn't stolen by the yay). But fortunately my phone was on my person when we were on our walk. So here's to our first year, which has so far been our best year ever! Haha


Trying my hardest to keep saying, 

Isn't life loverly?